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its_a_thin_line
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Name: megan
Gender: Female
Interests: God,
lotion,
boys,
blue eyes,
road trips,
oompa loopas,
walking barefoot,
sunrises,
Hawthorn Heights,
strangers,
vanilla,
air blow kisses,
winks,
the ocean,
prayer,
friends,
lists,
taco bell,
Fall out boy,
peanut butter,
snuggling,
feet in car windows,
Mario,
deep thought,
journalism,
boys who smell good,
teeth,
sonic grape cream slushes,
Gavin Degraw,
Oprah,
flannel,
pillows,
dancing in the rain,
cell phones,
shag carpet,
tank tops,
pink,
underware with a butt in them (i.e. not thongs),
sneezing,
when the moon looks like an eyelash,
emo,
painting toes,
Lindsay Lohan,
saying things that dont make sense to anyone else,
pictures,
being a dead sexy hoe,
inside jokes
Message: message me
AIM:  wooducarrycheez@aol.com
Member Since:
3/26/2006
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| On facebook, someone typed this in my honesty box: " I think that you are a good girl on the inside and I think that facebook is a big temptation for you I didn't like some of the stuff I have seen on your wall and that you've wrote to other people I think you need to keep God first in all that you do I think you have some stuff you need to clean up if you want to go on a mission trip." This is so frustrating. I shouldn't let this bother me, unfortunately it does.
First off, I may be bad at grammar at times, but this person really likes run on sentences. Second of all, what really bothers me most is that whoever this is obviously thinks that they can tell something about my spiritual life by things said on Facebook. Of course, some comments have been vulgar, both ones I've made and ones others have made to me. But I really don't think that inside jokes between my friends and I have any reflection on my spiritual life. Then again, maybe they do.
Another thing that bothers me is that this person couldn't just come directly to me to talk about this problem. If they really cared about me and were trying to be genuine I don't think they would have minded telling me who they were. The only thing I know is that they are male, because Facebook tells you that. Most likely though, they are just being judgmental and don't honestly care about my well being. i think they just wanted to put their two sense into my life.
Finally, and what bothers me most, is that perhaps my relationship with God really wasn't what it should have been at the start of this year. In fact, I will admit that it wasn't. A lot of things happened that shook me up and I made some very poor decisions. Yet, I still know who my God is and that he forgives. Recently I've stopped doing the things that made me dislike who I was and feel unworthy of forgiveness. But this person obviously doesn't know me well enough to know that. The more I think about it though, even the people who know me best probably don't know where I am with God right now. I am finding it incredibly hard to trust anyone with something this important to me. I fear their judgement of what I've done, or their criticism of who I was. What's more is that the people I used to so enjoy discussing God with, now make me feel like even bringing God up is foolish. They don't want to talk about it and worse, they don't respect my opinion on nearly anything.
Perhaps I am just weak. I do indeed have a delicate soul. Perhaps I am naive. It is very possible. Maybe just maybe, I could use a little encouragement from people who say they care, rather then being put down for things. Even if we don't agree on them.
I suppose it is about time I stop being ashamed of who I was and what I've done. I should probably stop putting so much weight on the opinions of those I respect and start valuing my own opinion a little more. The only thing I know at this point is that God, my God, is good and forgiving. I also know that the things I've done that made me someone I wasn't aren't things I ever intend on doing again. Hopefully this experience will help me become who I want to be however.
When I die, I want people (Christian, atheist, I don't care) to say that I loved with everything I had, a genuine love that is hard to come by. That I was truly passionate about what I believed in. That I did not judge, and that I made them feel like they could come to me with anything. I want them to say that I was truly someone to be respected, whether they agreed with me or not.
That is who I want to be. | | |
| Note to self: Turn off phone. For once I'm glad I could be human and feel human and feel young and not feel guilty later. No, I really do not feel guilty. We make decisions and live with the consequences. I've always made smart decisions and until recently everyone has agreed with them. But now I make decisions that some people may not agree with. But it's my life. I only have to deal with me and God and the rest doesn't matter. And he only gives me one life to live. Without bad we wouldn't know what good was. So, if something bad comes of my current decisions I am ready to bear the consequences. And if something good comes from them then I suppose it just proves everyone else wrong. There are a lot of decisions I've made recently that will just have to pan out in time. But I trust myself. That's something a lot of people have a hard time learning to do. I've learned more about myself in the past two weeks then I had in a very long time. One thing I've realized though, is that in the end it is just you to battle things out. Even when you think your friends will always be right there beside you and will always bail you out, it isn't always true. I'm not going to wait for something to happen to learn and put up my guard. But that doesn't mean I won't love my friends with all I have and hope in return they do the same. Someday I hope to have wise things to tell my grandchildren. Indeed. | | |
| My stomach hurts, and for all the wrong reasons. Nervousness never felt so good, yet bad. And, I just don't know. I'm sure this will all be alright. We will all be alright. Ugh, I need sleep once again. | | |
| This morning, I went shopping with Denver. As on any average shopping day, I picked a cd of the day that I would listen too and enjoy from one store to the next, occasionally spouting off lyrics in normal conversation. Today's cd was 'Everything in Transit" by Jack's Mannequin. This is the cd of the day far too often, but it provides so many wonderful things someone could say. Denver. That boy is really something else. The funny thing about being friends with your ex-boyfriend is... well, there really is nothing funny about it. He wore a great little sweater that looked very nice on him. Now, if we weren't such good little children (and here is where the line "Get to church cause your a good girl" comes in) we probably wouldn't have went shopping early in the morning, and the end of it probably would have ended up with me on top of him. Why? Because A. I am controlling in situations I am not used too and B. because lots of boys and girls do things like that even after they have broken up. Bad boys and girls. Certainly not me, and certainly not him. Once again, the battle between the ID and the Superego was careful monitored and the superego came out victorious. Good thing I have such a strong ego. You know, I don't think Freud was a fucked (I'm going to have to put a quarter in the curse jar I've made myself. Old habits die hard) as everyone thinks he was. I think he probably just had suppressed sexual tension. And, some of his theories seem rather relevant. Now, penis envy? I'm not sure women are jealous of men having a penis, but we can be certain they are jealous of the power that undeniably comes with it. Fuck men, and not in the way that they would like. My eyelids are heavy now. I was up untill forever this morning, and then waking up early to go shopping didn't do me much good. You know, it sort of ticks me off that the little tracker thing only tells you where people are from that look at your page and doesn't give you their's. So if you read this, leave a comment why don't you? Okay, now what did we learn from this?
1. I owe the curse jar 50 cents
2. I am still a virgin (as if anyone would have doubted that)
3. Lack of sleep has made me seem crazy and made me reveal hidden inhibitions.
4. If you read this, comment. Happy Thursday everyone. My birthday is Saturday. Think of me and smile. | | |
| My thoughts have been so wrapped up in God and what people say about him, that I've been forgetting to talk to him. Somethings gotta give. | | |
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